Survived my first week of quarantine like an introvert champ. I can imagine how extroverts are shaking like a streamer, seconds before combustion but I’m living my best indoor life. Quarantine is an anti-social delight–you do not have to tell me twice to stay home and survive. I spent summers at home tackling Crash Bandicoot 3 on Playstation (with no memory card),  honing my skills on Smash Bros and walking around both Kanto and Johto Islands with my trusty Blastoise in Pokemon Silver who in my mind, was my first real pet. I’ve been preparing for this my whole life. This entire time I thought I was just fucking poor but I have to thank chocolate milk, pan con mantequilla and platano with fried salami for prepping my stomach for a pandemic.

As a self-appointed natural disaster expert and mama earth enthusiast, I’d rather live through a pandemic than rising sea levels, exploding super volcanos, earthquakes and smashing meteors. If I can still re-watch Great British Bake Off on Netflix in the comfort in my own home, with lights and running plumbing, I’ll file every other nonsense as first-world problems. With that being said, I don’t take deaths, unemployment and a crippling global economy lightly.  A week ago I lost both of my jobs in the midst of struggling with career identity and finances. I’ve been trying to get in contact with the unemployment office but can’t get through, for three days straight. I accrue rent, utilities and student loans every second I go without income but I refuse, like a bull pridefully digging through the New York asphalt, cement and pigeon shit, to fucking freak out. I fucking refuse. I spent an entire year to get to this point: live my life independently as bad-ass-confident- bitch in an apartment I love with a cat who is emotionally (but not physically) supportive as Luna from Sailor Moon. If Toney would just name me the Moon Princess, I would be SET.

The future is as perceptible as a Vegas pin-ball machine but take a fucking chill pill. Homo sapiens binge watching “Hot Ones” is what mama-earth needs right now and not in a let’s- melt-our-judgments  but more of let’s hibernate so the earth can grow leaves in fucking peace. It wasn’t too long ago that climate scientist published damning evidence of what our future would look like if we didn’t cut back on carbon emissions and even though several countries are making an honest effort, let’s be honest the response is fucking laid-back. So if it took a pandemic to reverse the effects of climate change, even by a decimal percentage, I’m all for it. So who knows how long we’ll be stuck inside? Could be couple of weeks, months maybe even a year. Here’s how to survive:

1. Don’t watch the news. Yes I know. It’s counter-intuitive but hear me out, it’s not going to change what’s happening. I will argue in this moment “ignorance is bliss”. Now is the the time to be ignorant AF with the respects of staying home, avoiding contact, washing hands etc…If you’re trying to live your best indoor life, no need to implode your sanity with outside anxiety. Focus on things you do have control of, like staying the fuck inside.
2. Make a schedule. Love it or hate it, routine leads to habit and habit leads to  normalcy.
3. Now’s the time to explore your simplest or wildest endeavors. Always wanted to learn Japanese? Do it. Wanted to take up drawing? Do it. Now’s the time to be a unicorn my pretty.
4. Use Zoom, Facetime, etc… to stay connected with those beautiful faces, show those pearly whites and embrace cyber hugs/kisses. Kind of goes against the whole introvert thing, but fuck, too much alone time makes me cynical. Talking to my parents is so comforting and even though I can’t hug them for while, I’m grateful to live in a time where communication is intuitive and accessible. What’s also great is being able to end the conversation every time my mother tries to monitor my fucking diet. “How many manzanas you eating?”.”You really need to cut back on the sugar”.”Stop using the k-beauty items on your face, they’re making you pale.” ” JHFLJSHFLKSJHFSL. GOTTA GO MA. Reception went bad. Luvyou-BYE”
5.  Meditate, meditate, meditate. Not to digress in another hippie rant but now is the time to get in touch with your higher being and truly explore your soul sensitivities. What excites you? What calms you? What irks you? Why? Here’s an example: If I want a Trader Joes to open up in my neighborhood does that make me a scumbag? Will I awaken the anti-gentrification wolves? I fucking love oatmeal. I’m grateful for my poop – Yesterday’s night meditation
6. Last but not least, get used to being bored and find healthy ways to cope. In an instant-validation era I predict this will truly test our primal instincts whether they’ve gone dormant or have been weeded out our DNA. It’s ok to not be entertained or stimulated every single second. Be grateful for breath, heart beat and the mindless effort keeping you alive.