Where do I even fucking begin? Jesus. Okay, let’s catch you up to speed.

Quit my job, broke up with my ex, started a new venture yada yada…On to the new stuff. We moved. To Inwood. Little did I know that I could move back to the motherland with just a short 30 minute trip from midtown v.s a 4 hour plane ride. Finally with mi gente and I honestly, whole heartily really love the neighborhood. Growing up in Hell’s Kitchen I always felt like I missed out on Dominican-American culture. My spanglish has always been on point but please do not ask me to translate an obituary at a Dominican funeral. I will disappoint everyone. Now that I’m in the heights, everyone is a pano; I talk to everyone in Spanish in a more adult, urban Dora the Explorer kind of fashion. I’m sounding out words, googling shit before I speak so I don’t bring shame to my parents. It’s all positive.

I live with a roommate who is super cool. She has a cat named Toney, who I saw in a dream before seeing the apt…yea. It was weird AF. If there is such a thing, I would consider myself a liberal scientist; I believe in evolution, the big bang, laws of physics etc… but I am not gonna lie fam, I’m shamefully a sucker for astrology and other superstitious nonsense. I promise I’m not ignorant it’s just in general Dominicans are superstitious AF and I will admit some of it is engrained in me. That being said, when I first met Toney and recognized him from my dream, I was 99% sure it was a sign 1% coincidence and because I’ve never won anything by chance, I decided to go with the sign theory.  It’s been a month and so far so good. Mentally, it was really important  to have my own space. Not only, to air out my head but to feel for once that I could cook when I wanted to, watch what I wanted, buy plants, decorate and express myself. More importantly, being on my own has allowed me to explore the idea that I may have been emotionally abused for the last five years. Which has been a lot to process and  I’ll save for another post.

This year has been pretty traumatic and for a minute, I was pretty raw but I’ve finally begun the healing process and I’m embracing my new layer of skin.

4 Comments

  1. I loved your honesty and the way you’re genuine with your feelings.
    When you say you were emotionally abused, what exactly do you mean? I think I’m getting into something that gives me those vibes.
    It’s so great and so awesome and I don’t see anything wrong with him, but there’s something about his words sometimes that gives me that impression.
    I would love to hear back from you. Sending you tons of healing vibes.

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    1. Hi Sofia thank you so much for reading and commenting. Even though I am doing better, I am still very much healing but am more than happy to provide insight and or guidance. So when I say I was emotionally abused… When I finally moved out and found an apartment, I realized I kept the same mannerisms, etiquette and quite frankly, fear I had when I lived with my ex. My ex hated the smell of food in the apartment so I could never cook. If I did cook I would have to plan a whole day around it so that I have enough time to air out the smell in the apartment. If he smelled something, he’d get upset, stomped around, call me ghetto and make feel terrible for making food for myself. If we got into an argument or disagreement about doing something his way, he would give me the complete silent treatment. He’d ignore me, walk in front of me or leave me behind and it would go on for weeks. Since he owned his apartment and made more money, he constantly made me feel I didn’t contribute to the apartment enough. If I was too tired to wash his clothes after a long day of work and just washed mine, he would make little jabs like, “how do you plan on making your contribution to this apartment?”. So I constantly kept the apartment squeeky clean, washed his clothes, picked up after his mess etc… If I left a dish in the sink or a crumb on the counter he’d say my mother didn’t raise me right and that I was messy. I could go on with other examples but pretty much, living with him for 5 years I kind of became his domestic slave. Of course I didn’t feel that way while I was in the relationship ( even though there were many times I cried alone in my bathroom) he always knew how to be incredibly charming. After a tantrum, he would completely change tell me that I was the love of his life, surprise with a gift, dinner or a vacation and when times were good, they were GOOD. He’d win me over all over again and I would make excuses for him like “his parents didn’t show him how to love”, “he has trouble expressing himself, I’m going to try to be more affectionate”. I always tried to adapt myself to his emotions but he never changed or apologized. When I told him when I wanted to quit my job with the city and become a personal trainer, he was extremely upset. He told me that I was ruining my life, that I was going to become a bum and a low life and I when I asked him how could that be if we lived together he responded that if that’s the path I was going to choose, he didn’t want to be with me anymore. That’s when the brain washing started wearing off because apart of me was like wait a second… If I was supposed to be the love of your life, even if you didn’t agree with my career choices, why couldn’t you learn to accept it? If you are in a relationship, look for the signs. Do you notice changing or altering your behaviors in fear of upsetting your partner? Are they incredibly charming and then completely change when you don’t do something their way? Do they make comments about your friends if they aren’t in reputable professions? There’s a ton of red flags. I’d love to know what things he says to you that’s making you question his motives. Sorry for the long reply! I get all into my insights. Love to hear back from you and hope this helped!

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      1. Thank you so much for your response!!!
        Would you be interested in emailing? Would you give me your email and I’ll email you instead of commenting here??

        Like

  2. Thank you so much for your response!!!
    Would you be Inter in emailing? Would you give me your email and I’ll email you instead of commenting here??

    Like

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