I know, I know. I KNOW. I had issues with 2017 Diner en Blanc but peeps, we turned a new leaf this year! We’re less judgemental and we’re all about second chances now. Unfortunately DEB was more of a flop the second time around. Lemmee esplain.

After thinking long and hard, I figured the humid weather might of dampened (literally and figuratively) my whole experience last year. So I decided to give this year another go and felt optimistic about this year’s location. I begged my sister and boyfriend pero they were like nu-huh, that sounds like torture, count me out. So I asked one of my very good friends, whose very into these sort of things, and she was super excited. Then I got excited and felt the potential of what this year could of been. I’m dead-ass. I was hoping and rooting for Governor’s Island. Somewhere, in my circle of life, a genie whispered wish granted. Except this genie was Jafar and he wanted my whole night to be miserable.

For those of you who are new and have no idea what DEB is, it’s a chic, exclusive picnic for “lucky” patrons who want dress in their best white attire while carrying their own food, table, napkins, utensils etc… through NYC subway mayem and dine in a secret but  iconic location. Honestly, this year I wanted an excuse to buy an entire new (but comfy) white outfit and as I mentioned, I was really rooting for Governor’s Island  as it’s one of my favorite NYC locations.

So before you get to the secret location, you have to choose from a designated list of meeting locations throughout the city. For convenience, I originally chose Rockefeller Center but during the last minute, this was changed to the Ferry Terminal due to the UN assembly. I intentionally packed lighter and wore pants this year to avoid impending wardrobe malfunctions. The last minute change was a bit annoying and of course taking the train was a  huge pain but we got there  within our designated meeting time of 5:15pm- 5:45pm.

Our table leader arrived late and we weren’t able to start walking until about 6:15. With barely any directions, my friend and I just followed everyone else in white until we formed a humongous line by the Governor’s Island Ferry. Then we stood in line…in what felt like…hmmm how can I describe…waiting for the rapture.

We waited in a slow moving line for about 90 minutes and eventually boarded the Governor’s Island ferry, trolleys, feathers and all.

Typically, before the each DEB event starts, organizers like to commemorate the event with a collective napkin wave. We were off the boat about a quarter to 8 and as we stepped onto the lawn, everyone was spinning their napkins in the air which was a giant whirl of FU for the straphangers lugging their food and dignity on an empty stomach.

I was dumb-hungry and tired. We found our spots and setup as quickly as we could. As I walked over to pick up the wine I ordered, I saw people turning around, leaving the party and heading back to the ferry. How I wish I did the same. We really tried to make the most of the night. We really did but we were rushed out of the lawn a quarter to 10 and I was like dang…all that work  to get on the island and we spent less time enjoying and more time traveling/waiting/praying/meditating/starving? Yo, das messed up.

We packed, cleaned up and headed back to the ferry around 10, which surprise, surprise, had another line to get back on. The entire time I kept thinking we were going to get stranded and figured it would be my fault anyway, for believing an exclusive white party, with thousands of people would be chic when they’re carrying their entire dining experience around.

We eventually made it on. I got back home around midnight, super tired and exhausted. I was worried my friend had an awful time but she shocked me when she said “I had a great time! Let’s do it again next year! We’ll make it easier next time.” I did make it easier babydoll….I did…

All in all, for those of you who are still fretting on whether you should sign up for next year’s event, here’s my two cents:

DEB is the original Fyre Festival that continues to be. Somewhere far away a sinister dude planned an annual bougie-ass event, where thousands of people apply but only the “lucky” ones get in so they can dress in their prettiest white attire while carrying their entire dining experience through NYC mayhem to sit and eat in a public location, where you can eat any other day, all day at your own leisure. Oh, I forgot and CHARGE PEOPLE. Sounds like a tourist boobie trap but even I got sucked in. Damn it’s so gangster, it’s genius.