Anytime and everytime you don’t feel good enough, wealthy enough, pretty enough, stable enough, smart enough: remember, our industries have successfully conditioned you to feel this way. They thrive on it. They depend on it. No one wants to tell you that you are enough, because there isn’t a market for people who feel “enough”. Self love is the highest reward you can give yourself and not put in someone else’s pocket because it’s self produced and priceless. People are going to tell you what to do or who to be, but fuck that, just be. When you see the world through eyes of discontent, you’re hungry all the time for emotional narcotics; you do/you buy/you eat anything that will make you feel good, right now. What if you had everything you needed, right now? And everytime you thought about something you need, you opened up a new void.
I stopped using social media about 2 years ago because 1. the technology was going awry (it still is) and it was scaring me (It still does but let’s save that for another post) and 2. I felt pressured to post happy/fun/pretty moments when most of the time I didn’t feel that way and my instagram feed was starting to feel like a timeline of my greatest accomplishments, when it’s suppose to be an online and interactive photo album. So fuck it, I’m going to be vulnerable right now because I don’t have my shit together 99% of the time and when I get to the point of not feeling good enough these are the things I have to tell myself to get one foot in front of the other.
I suffer moments of what I like to call “severe boredom”, where nothing excites me and feel like my brain is scrambling; looking for anything to analyze, depict and discover. I bounce from thought to thought, sometimes back in a loop and it literally feels like I’m drowning, trying to think of ideas and it drives me fucking insane. I don’t think anyone understands how I get so sick of thinking/ analyzing and it’s not like I have an off/on switch. I’m ON all the fucking time. It doesn’t stop and if I don’t distract myself, I just zero in on myself and dissect my flaws one by one, find their origin, figure out where I went wrong and work on how to ‘fix’ it. Sometimes I don’t even get to the ‘fix it’ part and get so hung up on where I went wrong until I get so frustrated, I shut down. I’m realizing the concept of “fixing” things triggers my anxiety so I’m working on shifting my perspective to a place of acceptance. It’s not easy. Sometimes I have good days, where I constantly feel good and feel like I’m on with a streak but there are days when I feel like shit and want to resonate with someone but everyone seems to have it together and feel like I’m the only one grasping for breath. So if today, you feel like shit, this post is for you. I feel like shit too and we’re going to get through this shit together. I’m enough. You’re enough. Dassit. Be.