Author’s Note: It took me a while to marinate my experience of 2017’s Le Diner en Blanc.

I first heard of ‘Diner en Blanc‘ when I read a Gothamist article back in 2016.  If you’ve never heard of ‘Diner en Blanc’ let me save you the hustle and explain what it is in laymen’s terms:

It’s a day when a bougie bitch pay 90 bucks to wear white, be fancy and carry all his/her food, utensils and portable dining furniture to eat outside at a well-known, disclosed location with other bougie bitches. Dassit. Last year that bougie bitch was me. I’m not going to lie, when I first glanced at the pictures, I saw a secret society of well-dressed people in white. I had just bought white pants. I WANTED IN. So I signed up and was placed into the ‘lottery’.

The location is hush hush until the moment you get there. So far it’s was previously held in Central Park, Lincoln Center, World Trade Center, Bryant Park, Battery Park, and Hudson River Park. Who doesn’t want to dress nice, eat and dance in one of the most beautiful places in New York and have it closed off, just for attendees? MEEEEEEE. To get “invited” , you need to be a member. To be a member, you had to attend last year’s event. If that’s not you, you can ask for a member to  ‘sponsor’ you or if you’re like,  I don’t know any other bougie bitches besides myself , then you can sign up for the waiting list during phase 3 of the registration and hope you’re selected via lottery.

I took my chances last year and registered during phase 3. After hearing chances were pretty low from people who were denied more than once, I was super shocked when I was selected the first time. Now, one of the ‘memorable’ and  most important part of the whole experience, besides dressing in white in a nice ass place, is that you also have to purchase and carry your table chairs, utensils, napkins, food and beverages at some point on the subway and then walk 10-15 minutes to the final destination. There’s pictures, videos and I will admit, looks pretty cute but when I did it, it was not cute. Nothing was cute. Every moment was pure misery. Let me take you back.

My sister  and I were super excited for the whole thing and we spent a week planning and organizing everything we needed for our “chic picnic”. We didn’t have much but we built a contraption using the metal frame of a Trader Joe’s trolley to get our table and chairs together with a bunch of wire.  On one of the hottest days of the year, we lugged all of our items to Time Square, in peak rush hour to meet with our Group Leader and others.

I was wearing a white dress with a open neck line and I used double sided tape to keep my biddies safe from the world. The double sided tape became more of a nuisance because the sticky part deteriorated from all the sweat and I spent the entire day running my finger up and down the neckline, praying it would magically stick forever.

Once we checked in, our group leader lead us to the subway and we took the 2 train one stop to 72nd street.

By the time we made it out of the subway, my dress was soaked in sweat. I wanted to throw in the towel but the bougie bitch spirit spoke and told me to prevail, so I kept moving. We walked down broadway to Lincoln Center where the leader was like “Surprise!” “We’re at Lincoln Center again!” 😡 At this point I was super annoyed because I could of saved my ass the sweat, tears and trouble by walking to Lincoln Center vs taking the subway at Times Square IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING RUSH HOUR 😡 😡 😡 . Sorry for the caps. It’s now I’m suddenly realizing how torturous this all sounds. Only the devil would organize this. Ahem, moving on.

So we waited in line to get through security and once we got through, we scrummaged to find our assigned seating which turned to, ‘sit wherever the fuck you want’. So I grabbed our stuff and sat next to a random person. After we set up our table, placed down our cloth, napkins, utensils, cups and plates, I took a piece of bread out of my lunch bag, looked at my sister and was like “I’M DONE”.

We ended up staying for the entire thing and ended up enjoying a bottle of wine, bread and some fruit but I was disappointed.

This morning I received my invitation for “phase 1” of 2018 Diner en Blanc and I can’t help but reminisce last year’s experience. If you have a chance to go this year, try it. You only live once but I’ve had more “chic” days sipping coffee in Soho then at “Diner en Blanc”. Yes, Lincoln Center was beautiful (I’ve been there MANY times) and it was cool having the whole area to yourself but I was like, dang all this work so I can sit and eat bread in Lincoln Center, when I can do this all day, any day, at my own leisure?! DIS IS SUM BULLSHIT.